Typically I haven't thought about this at all but something happened yesterday that I feel needs some discussion. It may never be read, it may fall on deaf ears even if it is, but does that even matter beside me at least taking the time and effort to expand the idea?
It was a decision to, at almost four o'clock, hop in Mum's car and take the head of my cars engine across to Panmure to have a helicoil inserted into the spark plug hole I'd so deftly chewed the threads out of, which, in and of itself, was a rather ridiculous thing to do that late in the day, so close to rush hour, yet that is what I did.
And I did it, not because I can afford it now, but because I can afford it next week and that also gives the man about 4 working days to get it done. In the meantime I then had enough money left from my dole payment for my two required packets of tobacco. But then I arrive, at like four o'clock and he's immediately smiling and says 'You want just the helicoil done?', 'Yes' I reply, 'Okay, I'll do it now. Have you got cash?' and I haven't really but I tell him I haven't quite got 80 bucks, which was the quote he'd given me the day before, and I'd been somewhere else in the interim and been told it was a very good price. So he says 'Tell you what, you go down and get 70 bucks out and that'll leave you enough for dinner as well.'
Now I could go on and on about all these split second decisions that are made with absolutely no backup, well hardly any anyway, that keep throwing me into almost ever increasing faith that no matter what my resources are I just have to keep trusting that it'll work out as almost everyone one I meet seems totally inclined to help me out in some way... often even when lines are in evidence where people obviously are well backed up, and yet I keep getting to the heads of the lines... what's that all about?
And quite often people end up confiding in me and just as often they seem quite perplexed that they are. Me I'm just having fun at my own expense so maybe it's got something to do with that as if by that me just enjoying my life means I've obviously got time to hear others out and possibly offer clues as to what they might admit to can somehow be transformed simply by me hearing it.
But this fellow yesterday, he was good, he went a little further than most and was actually willing to listen. It was as if he actually sensed consciously that I had something about me he could learn from. That's actually quite rare as most just want me to listen and I don't even think they know that.
So yeah, this fellow confided in me that he'd had years of bad luck and somehow wanted me to let him know what good luck is and to a certain extent I know what it is but I'm not really allowed to say... well, I am but it's pointless.
The thing is that good luck is from the heart and just going with that and these people who are just in their heads, well, nothing to be done there, but those who are somewhat caught between the heart and the head... that's the interesting place but working from the head to encourage more heart, it just doesn't work.
Oh God, if it did we'd all be sweet as. We could let our heads build our worlds into what we need and at the end of that be able to jump into this heart led life with absolute trust that it would all work out fine... except that's exactly the bloody opposite of how it actually works, or as far as I can see that it works, and I don't particularly like this myself but it's how it is.
I mean I'd like a little more success, a wider pool of security, as, in a sense, people might trust this more and listen better somehow, but it ain't gonna happen, at least not in that way anyways. Because I almost have to be on the brink of failure all the time, at least in a conservative sense, because what people might trust, from the head, can't be there... it can't and it's as simple as that, so on the brink of failure it's like people have no choice but to look deeper at this luck I might have and feel it as a strong and willing thing away from a sense of security as we all like security to be.
The thing is I don't really ever make decisions of going this way or that way. Theres no time for that. Ways to go become so obvious there just isn't time to choose, you just do it. The other side of the coin though, and this might even be harder, is that if nothing is obviously in need of doing... then do nothing.
And, of course, this isn't the whole story at all but that's the point... you only ever get enough story to get started then even that gets thrown out, that is tossed as useful only in hearing the starter gun, after that you make your own story... 'cause in the end that's it too, no ones else's story will ever work, will ever be copied... well, they can be, but why be a facsimile?