We are all Fathers; fathering, fatherless of orphaned rascals.
Man, women and children all, the subjects of ourselves to be led and coaxed.
I am a father to my own stubborn griefs sitting complacent atop my hearts cage,
Where the soldier's spear gave ease to the crucified, where Adam gave that bone to be Eve... We are the hobo father.
Even as Neptune, fluid as grace ever was, we batter the mother for wet dust.
That it all be pulverised to build the scars and the scabs, the palaces of the longing made of obsidian cuts, sew with the echoes of howling wolves, that we can know ourselves by our disease.
Rock that baby, jive the still blind infant, be with the joy amidst crashing tragedy.
Be the father, be the tears of a toughed heart... On all day's we are the father.
Excuse that above, or don't, it's from a ways back, not too far back and I think I might have already published it on facebook though I kind of went searching for it and couldn't find it in my recent past... so who knows?
But for some reason, right now, it does makes certain sense to carry on underneath this draft from whenever because I think it somehow captures the sense of what I might be coming to terms with.
About 5 years ago someone put me onto the 'Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle and about the same time I was fairly ensconced and starting to make some headway in a dealer gallery. So I was working like a bastard and meditating like a bastard too. Mr Tolle said I didn't really need to do the meditation thing but I always have so I used that to work my way through his book.
Long story short I left the gallery, under the guise of being kicked out, but I'd made up my mind previous to that and from a particular instance whereby I decided that that particular procedural system of art making and art selling wasn't actually of much use to me as I'd figured, and made use of, the ways offered by Mr Tolle to the extent that the making of the art, how it comes to exist and find it's way into the world, was of far greater importance, somehow, than the art itself.
So I went ambitionless and it wasn't hard at all as all those ambitions I'd had were pretty much attained and achieved... okay, things could get bigger, that might have been the new ambition except the essence of achieving had been well and truly sorted so it was quite easy to drop such things and just meander about.
And this I did. For about 4 years I just meditated whenever I could and just did as little work as was possible to keep the base sense of what was needed chugging along. To this extent I was what might be called lucky as I'd already managed to put together a framework, for existence, which didn't need much feeding and that was simply because I knew if such needs were small, paltry even, then I could put all my efforts into the art I'd decided it was worth having a go at.
Anyway, as time went on I began to feel that Mr Tolle, and subsequent study of other 'Guru's', seemed to be missing something, something important,and it's been somehow nagging me to figure out what it actually is.
Because the interesting thing was that whilst I stopped wanting things the things themselves didn't stop wanting me and as time went on this became somehow understood in the sense that with my head out of the equation, because I've ended up pretty good at not thinking, a deeper sense of want seemed to be a part of me. We could quite easily put this down to the subconscious becoming conscious and it's a pretty good way to see it but it also seemed deeper than that somehow too, wider even, and it might sit better possibly as a mixing of the collective consciousness, as posited by Jung, with an evolving earth consciousness.
Then at the same time I found myself apt to talk and make jokes, and generally have fun, at and within any opportunity that presented itself and this seemed somehow to go back to the Tolle thing, the now, and be a very simple and genial sociality. And I like that, and I still do like it. A lot seems to be the willingness to play the fool, to be unencumbered by ego and just serve within any group of people to steer, even if ones self needs immolating (set afire), towards easiness and the abandonment of harsh, serious and all that other stuff.
This then sets up a dichotomy of sorts whereby we , or I and can drop the supposedly royal we, have the totally now resonating sociality where all boundaries of power and status disappear and the animal of human congeniality raises it's head to purr in simple gestures of fun and comradeship and on the other hand we have what might be a world starting to shape itself which would be entirely conducive to this simplified and easy sociality... but it isn't yet.
And this seems the missing bit. The guru's can't help but 'be there' and then in communication advise us how to 'get there' too, and while being in their direct area might actually communicate this more readily than the words do without the presence, this then seems to be the area where work needs to be done... the transition, as it were. That while our heads and our hearts hearken to this state, and may often be in it, the physical world has such a burden of inertia about it that we can't help but be adverse to it yet at the same time it may be the biggest and most vital thing we could be 'adapting' ourselves to.